Saturday, November 14, 2015

Nano time

For those who dont know what nano is, its National Novel Writing Month, and I have undertaken that challenge. It is a fiction story based on nonfiction experiences. In the past I was always able to find answers to things happening in my life, and I'm hoping this  will help me find the next direction in my journey.

I always discover new things when I write a story, so we will see what new things I learn after I finish this story. Again sorry I have been absent.

Monday, October 19, 2015


1 Peter 5:7 “ Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

Now part two, of this journey.  Today we talk about anxiety. Each day while I was waiting for a place of my own, I heard nothing. No phone calls no letters nothing.  Soon days went to weeks and weeks into months. Finally after a misunderstanding regarding my name I got a place- a month before the month I was to have surgery and would be off my feet.

But those months anxiety filled me so bad nothing else seemed to matter. Each day I worried things wouldn’t happen in time and I would either have to cancel the doctor visit and surgery or still be at the ex’s as I recover. Neither one of us wanted that.  But Jesus tells us in 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

Sometimes those words are easier than actually doing them, especially when for the most part you will be alone. Once I was living on my own that’s where I would be, alone for the most part. So maybe I was not ready for that. There were so many things happening in my life at that time. I didn’t know what to do or where to turn. All the more reason to turn to God and ask for his protection and guidance. All the more reason to rely on what He says I should do – which is in His Word. And I’m working on that slowly.  But it will take time and moving forward. Step by step day by day.

Let’s pray: Father we may not understand what is happening in our lives and where we are to go. In those moments forgive us for not turning to you when we should. Thank you for being there for us and being there for us and gently guiding us to where we need to go.  Thank you for all you do,

in Jesus name Amen.

Friday, October 16, 2015

Patience Pt 1

                                                      Psalms 46:10 (NIV)
                                             “Be still and know that I am God”

Because my life and the events of it which changed the direction of it started back in January, that’s when I can say the fork in the road appeared. And to this day it is still very hard to talk about. But talking about it does seem to help. That’s because I am not focusing on it and thinking about it constantly. But that does not mean I don’t have guilt seeping in at odd moments.

More on guilt later, now we are going to focus on Patience and how hard it is to be patient. Back in January my husband and I divorced and I moved into my own place. Because I have never had the chance to live alone needless to say I was… well a bunch of emotions I did not know how to process. I am glad my now ex and I parted on friendly grounds but that didn’t help what would happen farther down the road.

Also in January I had made the decision to have foot surgery to have a bunion removed. It had begun to hurt more than I could handle, however had I known the events that would soon unfold I wonder if I would have had the surgery. After talking with the assistant for the doctor who would be doing the surgery, my surgery was scheduled for June of 2015.

But that surgery set the stage for the changes – and growth – that I am now going through. That’s not to say there aren’t growing pains because letting to and letting God can be hard to do. But that is what we need to do and wouldn’t it be better to be prepared instead of blindsided?  Because regardless how hard we try to stop change from happening it, it will happen. Our best option, Trust in Jesus who knows us and what we are really capable of, even more than we do.  So how here it is Jan, I am divorced, have to find my own place, get moved in and set up house before June.

 In part two I will continue with the unfolding journey as it leads to present day.

Let’s pray: Father thank you for another day and another day closer to who I am to be. Change is hard to do sometimes and hard to accept. But we know change is something that happens and to help with that we need to trust you because according to your words you have our best interests at heart. Thank you for knowing more about us than we do, help us to daily put our trust in you and believe what is happening in our lives is in our best interest even when its hard for us to understand.  In Jesus name Amen.

(Sorry this was late today,  will be working on pt 2 this weekend and have it Monday.)

Thursday, October 15, 2015

I'm on the way back

Hey there everyone. I could have named this  curve ball 2 but then  what would that really tell you.  This year  has not been one I planned for or expected.  It took me 9 months - from January to now to begin to see the path and journey I have been on. And starting tomorrow I will be sharing some of the lessons I have learned and am learning as I recover from foot surgery. It was not as cut and  dry as one might think. Hope you are still with me and I look forward to seeing you all tomorrow.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Lifes curve balls

Recently I began this blog to share my thoughts on writing and other short pieces. Well recently my husband has been diagnosed with lung cancer, and the blogs and web sites that I have started and found to be the center of my life have taken  a slight back seat.

While I am still writing so I am not hoovering over my husband, the projects I am working on have changed. Marla will still be worked on, however Father God I believe has led me into a new direction with my writing.

The project I will be placing front and center is called "strength from within" and consists of three stories where thru the Almighty power of God the characters within this story find the strength they did not know they had when they began to trust on God.

Psalm 46:1 Message

 "God is a safe place to hide ready to help when we need him."

Regardless of  what happens in my life God is always there to lead me back to his open arms.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

For My Husband

This has been a trying 6 months.  To begin the whole down slide a few months back my husband and I had a really bad cold. The only thing that lingered when it was all said and done was a cough. Well we didn't think much of it at first. But when it didn't go away my husband went in to get it checked out.

Turns out he discovers there's a spot on his lung and the doctors wants to do more tests. At first I really didn't think much of it but over the months sense I've seen my strong 5'8 180 or so husband go through changes. His coughing is getting a bit worse often times to the point of losing his breath. There are times when I feel so dang helpless. And he knows I feel this way and would rather not see me watch him go through this. And even though he still smokes he is trying to quit as hard as that is to do.

Yesterday they did a follow up exam to discover the spot has gotten bigger.  While I don't know by how much they want to now do a biopsy. When they first discovered the spot the doctor wanted to do it then, but with money and then no insurance we weren't able to afford it  because we would have had to pay for things such as rides and procedures. My husband then didn't want to because he heard that there was a chance of the lung collapsing and didn't want it done. This time when they suggested it he really didn't put up a fight.  His response to them saying the procedure only took an hour but they held ya half a day was ,, why does it take that long, just stick the needle in get what you need and let me come home.

Later that night yesterday he told me he wants to get a life insurance policy  so I would be taken care of, but he wasn't planning on "going anywhere" for a few years yet. After he went to bed last night  I found myself on the verge of tears but worked to hold them in. I had to be strong for him. But the longer I at in the dark after he went to bed the more the stages of grief went thru my mind. Grief fear anger - I haven't even gotten close to acceptance yet.

The longer I sat and remembered the past and when I met him, he was strong hard working and knew how to take life- head on.  he worked for a recycling plant and quite possibly caught something after 13 plus years there. He takes care of me still from shopping to house work to bill paying - not to say I don't know how I just find myself thinking about all the things he does for me and I think that's why I don't want to cry. Because if I cry that will be the sign that I've accepted this. And I'm not ready to do that yet. Just the thought of not seeing him across my desk, or laying next to me or talking from the kitchen as we prepare dinner sends me into a panic and I'm not ready for that heart ache yet.

As I drifted off to bed I prayed to God asking him why Why were those I love taken from me- was it something I did, didn't do was it a lesson I need to learn and if it was  couldn't I learn it without my husband suffering.

Any way it just puts all of the fights disagreements and not want to's in another frame of mind.  And the two songs that come to mind are , "If tomorrow never comes and the dance both by Garth Brooks.

 So I guess my message today hold those you love close and tell them you love them now for there may not be a tomorrow.

I'm still holding on tight to  my husband  my love every second I have, and thanking God for each one of them.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

New Chapter updated

 I just added Chapter three of Molly's Journey this afternoon, and will be working on a sequel next month during Nanowrimo.  Molly travels from Australia to the US and helps bring equal rights to women here.  The details are still unknown but that's the fun of Nanoing, figure those things out as you go.  This new one will be on Amazon Kindle next year. 

Book to will be faith based.