Friday, April 18, 2014

God Fills Every Area of My Life Right Down to the Core

I have been absent here for a while, for those who follow regularly I am sorry. I have a new job, that of no fiction writer. I have three books under my belt but in doing these books I think I see a theme I had not seen before.What is that theme you ask?

God life force running through me regardless of what I write. So far I have written about adopting dogs, finding a cats potential and how to simplify your home,  the one I just submitted was about backyard veggie gardening, the next one will be creating a garden with  little money or maintenance time. 

Mt grandma was in the backyard garden one , and I see God running through this next one as I talk about Gardens There was the garden of Eden, and Garden of Gethsemane where we find Jesus before his time on the cross. 

What I may be focusing on is a place for  reflection and peace.  Because we all need that time.   

When I first started writing nonfiction these  topics that were given to me I didn't  know how to do it, I felt out of my element, but it was after the second book I  started wondering how can I combine my love of story telling and still write how to books, finally I lifted the question to God and things began to happen and it began to be easier. I'm not there yet, but with God's help and guidance I will get there, God makes all things happen for His Glory. 

My plan may be to write but He will direct my path. 

Hope your Weekend  Easter celebrations are blessed and happy

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Guest posing today


Hey all today I am guess posting at breaking the window I hope you check it out. You can find it here http://www.breakingthewindow.com/2014/03/abuse-survivor-debra-johnson-story.html

It deals with my abuse and how I dealt with it and hat i did to get threw each day.  Dealing with abuse is a hard thing to go thru and not many make it to the other side.  I would like to think im one of those. However the abuse caused several other issues I am currently dealing with. Things like over eating  and gaining weight to protect me from being abuse , and by drinking.  Now I have been sober 15 days and the next step is to lose the weight and gain the confidence to be the person God meant me to be. I've always liked the song why me Lord, because it was a statement I asked as a kid growing up.

Why me Lord what did I do to warrant this abuse? Then Why would I ( if we truly choose our destiny like some think) chose a life of abuse? Maybe because at some level I knew I was strong enough to handle it come out the other side so I can help others who go thru it and aren't that strong. God meant for good to happen in my life and I MUST  trust that he has a plan for my life.

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Part one Trusting Myself



Trust. It’s something we all have. Or should have. But what about abuse victims such as myself? It is harder than most to start trusting others again after we have been abused and hurt. For we have no idea who we can trust. That’s because often times our trust has been broken by someone we did not fear or expect would hurt us.

Sometimes the attacks come on quickly as to catch us off guard. But other times and in my opinion and experience, it happens over time allowing a relationship between two people to grow and build and trust is established.

But what happens when time has elapsed and we try and start trusting again. How do we know who to trust anymore? Parents, friends, significant other well for me one of those people I have to learn to trust again is me.

I have had trouble trusting me for a very long time. That’s because when I was going through the abuse as a child, every time I made the decision to do something, anything that made me happy, someone came along and pulled the rug out from under me. No matter what I began to do those who abused me reminded me I was not worth anything. And eventually unconsciously I began to believe them. I gave up dreaming, gave up planning, gave up doing and just lived with no expectation of the future- because I saw none.

But now that I am out of my abusive life anymore I find it very hard to rebuild what has been torn down. That is because after living 10 + years of being torn down, my self-confidence is either low or non-existent.

That’s because I don’t know how to trust myself, I am afraid to try because I am automatically expecting someone to come in and stop me. However looking back over the last few years, I see that the only person who has been and is stopping me - is ME. I don’t know what it is like to finish something much less be successful.

But I am working today on learning to trust myself. As with anything I need to start small so I don’t get over whelmed. See I am a writer and there are at least 30 partially finished first drafts and several first drafts waiting to be edited and published. There are also other things in my life I have started strong with but have given up or placed on the back burner to never look at again. Yet these things will never be finished because there are just too many to do. But keeping them  on my desk top only serves to remind me I am a failure. If I am going to change that frame of mind I need to take a good look, an inventory if you will, of what I have then decide what I really want to keep and finish and what will only serve to continue to inflict wounds to already scabbed over sores.

Are the activities in my life things that I have chosen, or I chose to do because I thought someone else would approve of and like me? Or are they something someone else has chosen for me because they thought it was good for me?   

To clear my calendar, slate and conscious I must take an honest look at what things are in my life and make the decision  for me whether I still want them in my life for me – and me alone- or can they be let go without rejection or remorse.

That I believe is the first step in starting to trust myself, to be able to trust yourself to let these things go and not look back.  

     

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

My Next 30 days



This blog post is related to another friends blog and is entitled “The last 30 days”

The original question came from Carley at Worship Melodies. Her question was “If you just had 30 days left how would you spend them.”

Okay oftentimes I find myself day dreaming about the future and all the things I could do, want to do, or will do…in the future.  But do we really have “the future”? We aren’t even guaranteed our next breath.  Job 14:5..." Man's days are determined, you have decreed the number of his/her months and have set limits he/she can not exceed. "


So then WHY are we doing things that won’t amount to anything? Or things that WE don’t enjoy doing, especially if we have a choice to change, to be better and to make an impression on someone else that will help them on their journeys.

The last few days I have been sitting here wondering which story to write next. Christian, children’s, mystery or any of the others I have on my desktop that aren’t finished. This was really beginning to aggravate me because my focus was momentarily blocked.

*Laughing joyously* 
   Folks it’s not about me, it’s about God, my Heavenly Father. The one who breathed life into me for a purpose. His Purpose not mine.

Those stories on my desk top unfinished are unfinished because the focus of them were wrong, they do not serve his purpose. The more I think of Carley’s question I remember the year I spent in school doing something for someone else not God. But nothing s wasted, God will use it for good.

So for my next 30 days I will be focusing on God and what He wants. Not on what I want.

Let’s pray,
  Father forgive me for my trespasses show me where I need to change so that I may be all you want me to be.  Father teach us to number our days aright that we may gain a heart of wisdom.  Help us see your goals  and dreams for us instead of focusing on our own. 

In Jesus name I pray Amen


P.S 
this has helped set the scene for the next story that will be available soon. It's entitled "Strength comes from within"


  



Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Sarai and Abram - Gen 12



 It is only the 28th of Jan but I have  already fallen behind in our yearly readings. But Thanks to  Eileen and her suggesting YouVerse, I am catching up quickly. 

Any way as I read Gen 12, I again stopped to reflect on what I could  learn from the story. In the story Abram was told by God to travel to another land, but when he came upon the land which belonged to the Pharaoh, he instructed Sarai to lie and say that he as her brother, in order to spare his life.

However because of this lie Sarai told, it caused the pharaoh to act on what he thought was truth. But God stepped in and caused ripples, which made the Pharaoh and his men ask if what Abram and Sarai were true. Which of course it wasn’t.

So now let me pose these questions to you: have you acted on what you thought was truth by someone only to discover it was not truth? Or have you told someone something which caused them to act on something that was not truth?

Regardless of which one you identify with, it does cause a ripple effect. Not only is the person who acted on false information affected but so you who gave them false information. We as children of God  should not even entertain that thought, but as you read in Gen 12  even Abram and Sarai did this.   So what can we do? 

First: remember the only truth is that which comes from God’s Word. If it doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t. Your guidepost- Your Bible.  

Second; if you have seen this or are the victim of this ask God for forgiveness and help to get out of the situation. 

God loves us and wants the best for us, he would never lead us into a position that was bad for us.  Trust God and let him guide you.  


Let's Pray 
    Father as I read again about the lie Sarai and Abram told I am reminded that it can be so easy to do the same thing. But Father when I find myself in this position, help guide me away from it and seek only the truth according to your will and Law. 

In Jesus name - Amen. 
 .