Monday, March 14, 2011

My journey through abuse and my love for food

About the same time I was gaining weight (which was a sign of growing up as my mom called it) my life produced a fork 
( no pun intended) in the road. My mom began dating a man who soon began sexually abusing me. When your in third grade the last thing you want to hear is a 65 year old man say “ he wanted to show you what your husband would want from you one day.” Now if you have ever been a 3rd grader or abused that statement would creep you out right? Well it did me.. However at this same time I had met a girl in my class who just happened to be a Christian and we became best friends. I firmly believe God sent her into my life as a way to introduce me to Jesus. And as Psalms 139 says HE knows our inner most being and knew I would need Him. I'm glad someone did because I sure did not know what kind of hills valleys and dips and sudden turns my path would go through. And for 11 years it did just that. But He knew it. And He was right there waiting for me and to comfort me.

When my mom walked in on the abuse three times (isnt there somewhere in the bible where Peter denies Jesus three times lol). without believing me instead accusing me of enticing this 65 year old man- ewww - she made me confess to God something which I did not do. My heart was not only broken, I felt very VERY alone. .At least in the physical sense. And that's when I turned to food as a physical companion of sorts. Regardless of what happened to me good or bad I would find food to comfort and console me as well as celebrate with and jump for joy with. It filled my soul without judgment and that's what I needed … And that's how I lived for 29 years. At least until this year when I decided to change. And that's where my story now picks up.

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