Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Made to crave -Chapter 1- Reflection Questions

Reflection questions-

1a) If I could personify cravings based on my experience what form would it take.
My craving would look like a HUGE bed with a figure on one end of the bed a t.v at my feet and the stuff I need to be doing or should be doing mixed with how I feel. Having stuff whether good bad or ugly has always been my thing. Whether I need them or not whether they are my things or not. Just being surrounded by things has made me feel safe. I can see all the good positive stuff done and fulfilled in my thoughts and head, but that's where they stay. Because to risk bringing it to light and where everyone can see will most likely destroy me. And as a child I was destroyed enough. As an adult I need to work on discovering who I am, bringing her out and protecting her all at the same time.

1b) If I could sit down and have a chat with this craving of doing nothing but sit on my bed and let the world go by out of fear would be a very interesting and LOOOOOONNNNGGGG conversation. Even though in my head it would be one sided and positive. But if it were known and seen publicly to actually carry it out for all to see - the craving would have won, and knew it from the start. It was just sitting and being patient knowing all the while nothing would change, the pull to “ not do anything” would just be too strong and tempting. After all with doing nothing there were t.v shows to get involved in sweets to eat and sleep to dream . Who needs to work sweat sacrifice and succeed and give up time lost doing nothing. Actually the conversation would go a lot like it did in the last years of my 1st marriage. My x just stood there ahuhing me knowing full well nothing would change because he knew me to well and I was all talk. Because nothing I said I wanted to change ever came to pass, eventually I gave up.

Fasst forward to NOW. Now that I see the pattern of how things went and where they may have stemmed from I can make the change and stay with it. THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT!!!!!!!!.
With God's help and direction I can do all things with His strength not mine- cuz my strength hasn't done anything so far but give up,
    2) How do I respond to the idea that God made us to crave?
    First I love it and I do crave God,in theory. In the same mind and thoughts that are mentioned in question one- where no one can see. however as I examine it, sad to say the cravings of this world are in control and I must work to change that. I cant do it alone.
    Second have I ever pursued a craving, longing, passion or desire that made a positive contribution to my life?
    Yes once. When I was a kid being abused. My craving desire and longing was to get out of that lifestyle and be just a kid enjoying the fun and laughter that was supposed to be apart of the innocence of childhood- with parents who loved me.

    Third, What do I think distinguishes that kind of craving from the craving that leads me to eat in an unhealthy way?
    The distinguishing factor is the first one is and was positive and got me out of the abuse. It may have taken a while, but the craving to get out was strong and unstoppable. I knew my focus and aim and what the end result would be. I fought because I did not like what was happening to me and I was not going to stay there without a fight – and I fought. I may have taken a few blows but I did not quit. I did not give up. I did not give in. And that's what saved me! I didn't care what others would say or think, well that isn't true I did care what the few friends I did have thought, I did care what outsiders would think. But those who I thought could help knew. It was all mental attitude. I WAS NOT going to let my thinking switch to bad negative unhealthy thoughts. I was going to win, mentally if not physically. Eventually I did. My thoughts were what led me to victory thru Jesus. Because He was the only one I could turn to who knew what I was REALLY going thru. And he knew the path that would take me there. Did I like the length it took, not at all. But I learned patience and perseverance. As a child that's all I had. ( I hadn't learned different yet) And that difference isn't a good one and leads into the second part of this question. Now as an adult I feel and see I can do anything I want and no one can tell me what to do. Sometimes not even God. And wow is that wrong with a capital WRONG. God created me and knows what I am capable of He saw it when I was a child, totally trusting in him to get me out of where I was. So this time of my life should be an extension of that childhood, now that I am safe and free. Now I should be working to safe others who went thru what I went thru – that was my aim then. Kinda like the gone with the wind saying “ As God is my witness …..” well God is my witness and I need to give him those cravings that lead to nothing so I can start craving the good things again.

  1. If we're made to crave, how might it change the way I understand my craving? Do I believe there could be any benefits to listening to my cravings rather then try to silence them? If so what might those benefits be? If not why not?
    Since most of my cravings are not positive listening to them would only continue to defeat me and drag me down and farther from where I am supposed to be in God's eyes and plan for my life. It is similar to turning my back on God. Giving into my cravings is a byproduct of Fear pure and simple. And that keeps me from doing what God wants me to do. I can't give God the Glory if I am stuck in my home and not speaking to others. Making excuses not to do something will not get the job done. I need to look to Jesus and what he did- If he stayed in that fear and not died for me, I would not be saved today. THANK YOU JESUS. Praise God for your example.
    However listening to them is not the same as looking at them and examining them for what they can teach me. My cravings are not productive enough to make an indent, its one step forward six back. There is no way I can silence them alone, because left to my own devices I would lose. And I don't mean weight. I mean my life. If I want to follow Jesus I am to deny myself – and cravings- and take up my cross daily. And follow Jesus. What are my crosses? Anything that keeps me from my Lord.
    4) ways that satan lures me away from God. Cravings, lust of the eyes and boasting of the three kinds of temptations which is the most difficult to resist?
Ok for the answer to these I need to go back to the definition of these as Lysa describes.
A) A cravings- “meeting physical desires outside the will of God.” In what ways was I tempted by desires for things such as food, alcohol, drugs, or sex?

I don't know that I crave the above now, I have to be careful of the food I eat because it has to be gf. I dont do alcohol anymore. Because I don't like the feeling of not being in control, the same goes for drugs. Perscripts or other wise. And sex that's an issue all its own. I used to crave sex when I was young and was deprived of it, I NEEDED IT craved it and wanted to get it at all costs. Whether it was physical writing reading watching it didn't matter I needed that fix to matter. I guess now I crave just wanting to be left alone. Yet part of me still wants that loving hug and touch that I didn't get as a kid.

B) Lust of the eyes- (meeting material desires outside the will of God) In what ways were / am I tempted by desires for material things – clothing, financial portfolio appliances vacation plans cosmetics home d├ęcor electronics etc?
Well clothing is out because I don't like going into fitting rooms. Buying new clothes or shoes is a real downer for me. It would have to be stuff. Books notebooks pens even a few stuffed animals. The one thing I sometimes struggle with is looking at others bodies and wishing I had that look or style or frame. Butts have always been my “thing” As I work to get this under control I will need to give it to God daily hourly and sometimes moment by moment. I don't really know what it is but I need to remember and focus on the fact that God made me the way I am dimpled butt and all.

  1. Boasting- (meeting needs for significance outside the will of God) In what was were / am I tempted by desires to prop up your significance – perhaps by name dropping exaggerating, feigning humility or other virtues doing something just because you knew it would be observed by others etc. ?
ok this one needs some work. Mainly because this one is where I really struggle the most. After all this time being insignificant as a child, I need to know I matter and am important to someone. That I wasn't just an accident. That someone did / does want me. And that I matter, as I see it in my minds eye . I become published have all these book deals and mobbed my millions who want my autograph I need that significance to scream I do matter and I am worth something”

Suddenly I must confess that as I was writing this it was like God hit me with a brick wall. I have been so busy trying to make a name for myself I lost sight of who was really important. God. I matter to Him, Even before I was born I was the glimmer in his eye, and his love for me was already there. Immediately I had to stop and pray asking God's forgiveness that I didn't see it before and I had lost focus for my life and who was the maker of my life and no human could ever take that away- if my eyes are fixed of God I will never not matter.

Of these three kinds of temptation which is the most difficult for me to resist Boasting

which is the easiest. Why? Cravings – at least some of them any way.

Father God thank you for showing me that no matter what happens I do matter to you. and you are my creator, and nothing will take that away. Please forgive me for trying to make a name for myself when its YOUR name that should matter. Thank you for your mercy and kindness and continued love. Amen.

5) I have used scripture and it has worked to make me less fearful and more confident.

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